As I approached Mayfair roundabout (that's in Ile-Ife, Osun State) this morning - the time was going to 10 am - I was stopped for checks by an officer of the Rapid Response Squad (RRS) of the Mobile Police Unit. He simply asked for my Learner's Permit and an amber light went on in my head.
"This man can't be serious", I thought.
First, he stopped me on an incline despite seeing the 'L' symbol. Anyone that knows anything about traffic knows that is very wrong. You don't stop a learner on an incline right after a very bad portion of the road for that matter. (I noticed much later during my ordeal that they did the same to a woman who was a 'real' learner and she nearly could not get going anymore.)
Second, I was not a learner at all so I wondered why he did not even bother to find out before asking for the permit he demanded.
Anyway, I told him my wife was the learner and not me; I left the 'L' sign on because I was tired of removing it each time I wanted to drive and re-mounting it each time she needs to. He demanded for my driver's licence and I obliged. Upon returning it, he demanded to see my papers and I also obliged, then he asked me to park properly. Still on the slope! That was against my better judgement so I got out, assessed my position and got back in the car to re-park properly. It beat my imagination completely when the officer, who at that time had walked away from me with my papers, suddenly shouted to hi colleague who was 'dealing' with another driver right in front of me, "Hey, officer, no let that man go, who ask am make im dey go!"
I just smiled when the man in front of me reacted by accusing me of wanting to abscond. My 'detainer' also came running, directly accusing me, "So you wan run, abi? I don tell u make u dey go? I don release you?" I laughed again because I wondered, "Release? Am I under arrest so soon?"
At that I demanded to know what the issue was and for the first time in almost 20 minutes, the officer looked through my papers! "So why did he collect them in the first place?" I couldn't help asking myself. He then looked at me and asked for my roadworthiness and vehicle licence. I was amused becuase though a copy of my vehicle licence was not included in the set of copies I had given him, but a copy of the payment evidence for it was included; my MOT Test Result Certificate which was still within its validity was also included. "So what does this man want?"
His next statement shocked me. "Oga, so what are we going to do about your roadworthiness and vehicle licence now?"
"I have everything intact and you know it. If you want to see the originals, my house is not far, I could quickly go and bring them now...but don't think I would ever turn them over to you."
But he was not interested.
"Oga," I said, "don't delay me otherwise I would leave you here with those copies and go my way." His next reaction surpirsed me. He nearly poked my nose with my papers and yelled at me, "I will embarass you now...if you like yourself, enter that car and move and see what I will do to you!" Guess what? I just went to my front apssenger seat, picked a book from inside my car, reclined my seat and started to read. Three acquaintances of mine from the Obafemi Awolowo University (I choose to withhold their names but they comprise a subordinate, a former subordinate now working elsewhere in town and a respected lecturer of the Obafemi Awolowo University) met me there and I explained the situation, letting them know that I would patiently wait.
Later, my 'friend' officer came and demanded for my driver's licence again and I blatantly declined. I told him why - and I'd tell you, too. Realising that I was serious with my threat to leave him with the copies of my papers once I got fed up - afterall, they were only photocopies; and he had seen stickers of my very respectable office on my windscreen so he knew I did nothing out of fear and would not be intimidated easily - he anted to hold my original driver's licence so he could really delay me. Of course, it stands to reason because he must believe that I wouldn't want to leave my original documents with him.
As I spoke with him, insisting not to give him my licence again after having seen it the first time.
"You saw it earlier, what more do you want to see on it?"
"Just give me, I wan see am again"
"Why? Ask me anyhting you want to know from my driver's licence and I will tell you. I know everything offhand"
"No question me, just give me"
Then a colleague of his came and demanded to know what happened. Of course, I explained clearly. This second officer gently approached me, softly spoke and asked to see my driver's licence.
"Oga, I will show you because you've not seen it before. Do you know what your man wants to do? He wants to just delay me and that's why he's asking for it so I will not give him!"
What I expected was what happened. As soon as I handed it over, my 'friend' literally snatched it and went away, saying triumphantly, "Ehn ehn! Go now if you want."
I just turned to the other officer and said, "See what I meant". He said nothing but only walked away. I went back to my reading.
He then came back to me and asked, "So what do you want to do about the matter now."
I frankly made him realise I was not going to do anything, whatever he meant. As a matter of fact, I would not mind remaining with them till evening, if need be.
He went back to his work and I got back to my reading. At about 11:30 am, I looked at my car again and remembered that what took me in that direction in the first instance was that I was going to the car wash. So I called my 'friend' and told him I needed to get to the car wash. He could not or did not stop me (whatever).
On my return, all of the officers at the roundabout had gone into a nearby alcohol stall. I managed to find them because I saw one of them that bought food from a nearby food shop and went into the drinks stall. I went there and was amazed! These officers were apparently on break but they were drinking heavily. I did not count but several empty and full bottles of Gulder adorned the tables in front of them.
I detested what I saw so I got to business quickly.
"Oga, I really don't like what you're doing. I've been patient enough. Just give me my licence and let me go."
It was not my friend that responded, another officer did and he demanded to see my other papers, which I quickly fetched from my car. Upon seeing it, that man again repeated the roadworthiness and vehicle licence matter. I simply told them how new my car was and and why none of my very authentic documents could not have expired. At that, nearly all of them became furious and one even retorted that I was trying to prove a point rather than say I was sorry. I was taken aback. Sorry for what? Eventually, the officer who responded when I first got there collected my licence, pocketed it and claimed that he would not release it, saying, "Leave am, make im come collect am from me."
I simply turned to the man to whom I had given my original driver's licence and said, "You see now? I told you this is what will happen. You see how they are treating me now? And this is why I did not want to release my original licence."
I left after that, went to the Divisional Police HQ in Moore to report my licence missing. The officer I spoke with told me I needed to go and swear an affidavit which I would take to their Area Commander's Office. Being a Saturday, that will not happen.
I really don't know what to make of the whole saga but I have a candid advice for the police administrators - PLEASE PUT YOUR MOST INTELLIGENT MEN ON THE ROAD. What is a police officer's business with driver's licence? What authorities do they have to keep my original licence?
Just for the records, by this time tomorrow, I'd be on a flight to Europe and by the time I'm back, that licence would no longer be valid.
Of course, I have not mentioned any names here because I did not even bother to look at any of their tags; but someday, someone will. Someday, someone will go to court. Right now, someone has to take responsibility!!!
