MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 23: They care about first impressions

'Actions may speak louder than words, but until they get to judge your behavior, which can take a while, people will inevitably trust their initial impressions.' (Steve Tobak)

First impressions last really long. And you will never get a second go at it. That is why the first things you do will tell a story and leave a mark that’s going to stick around for long, if not permanently: the things you say when you first meet someone, the way you come across in that first presentation, the way you treat your friend’s siblings the first time you visited, the way you approached your first job, the way you spent your first earnings…

Surprisingly many of us don’t seem to care – or we care too much about the less important things. I am sure one of the first things that will come to your mind as you read this will relate to appearance - what people see you wearing. Of course, that's right - one of my brothers actually told me many years ago that when you're meeting people for the first time, you will be addressed the way you're dressed. Now that's true; but up to a limit. Judging by my own experience (and you're free to compare yours) the idea of first impression deals with the way people appear when I first meet them, TOGETHER WITH the things they say, their level of alertness and above all, their attitude - which unfortunately can’t be concealed! Your dressing only creates a good impression if you don’t speak at all (which leaves people thinking ‘Wow, isn’t that dress nice!’) or you say something really smart (otherwise people will only think ‘This is an idiot in a good dress!’).

Recent research has actually shown the power of first impressions. Naturally, most of us will treat people subsequently on the basis of how they have come across to us the first time we met. Even if we find later that our initial impressions are wrong, it takes time before we shift gears. I quote from the work of Bertram Gawronski and co at the University of Western Ontario: ‘When something that violates the first impression occurs, it is treated as an exception from the rule, rather than as an objective reality.’ And how does this relate to success? Because you need to be in the right company for you to go in the right direction and go fast (see the post on keeping good company). Leaving people with the wrong initial impressions of you only deflates your circle of influence.

Of course you can correct a wrong first impression but it’s expensive. “What is necessary is for the first impression to be challenged in multiple different contexts,” says Gawronski. That’s a natural experiment that even scientists know is hard to set up. Who wants to stick around to observe you all over the place when they already have decided that you’re not worth walking with?

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 20: They learn not to be rash

"...Everything starts with one step at at time. So start small and plan to finish big." (http://www.fuel-my-motivation.com/Self-Motivation.html)

One of the most important lessons I have learnt about working towards success relates to the importance of being sensible and realistic. While it is crucial to dream big - as you probably already know - it is often fatal to act big! Why? Because you'll lose your motivation quickly if you experience anything that looks like failure.

When the economic crisis hit Nigeria, I know many people who lost fortunes to the burst bubble (I even heard of people who became fatally sick or died as a result!). Why? Because they acted too big - many people seeing the promise of huge returns from the stock market borrowed recklessly to place on stocks. And how badly hit were they when the bubble burst. The consequence? Even now that the atmosphere is safe, most of these people would not go near the stock exchange simply because the apparent big 'failure' of the last few years has taken their motivation away. And why did that happen? Because they acted too big at the outset.

This is the point in much simpler language. Anyone who wants to be truly successful has to learn not to be rash. We're not born with that, as humans. In fact, if anything, we were born with innate myopic rashness. That's why a suckling baby would bite its mother now, forgetting that it is coming back to feed later! That is why we need to learn, as we grow up, that things are not always what they seem. 

On the road to success, do not ever think you're competing with anyone because as a matter of fact, you are not! Your life, ultimately, will be judged against the standard set for you - and you alone. So why don't you cut down on the rashness; go slowly, carefully, one step at a time and see how far you will go.

"...you ought to be quiet, and to do nothing rashly..." (the town clerk of Ephesus)

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 18: They are Teachable

"No height of achievement should take you to the level where you think there's no more to learn"  

Have you ever wondered why high-profile sportsmen and women keep their trainers?  Why do you think winning teams don’t do without coaches?  Well, I know that winners remain winners only if they remain under tuition.  Your potentials to be and remain great is determined mostly by how teachable you are.

It might not be easy but you have to do it.  The biggest companies in the world today are all committed to improving their staff quality through training.  Why?  There’s always more to know.  Life, at its best, is like an inverted pyramid.  Difficult to climb but at the top is wide and flat.  That’s how success is.  You learn and strive so much to get to the top only to get there and find out that the largest rooms for improvement are there.

Only teachable people remain on top.  In fact, the only thing that will stop you from learning at the top is pride.  Otherwise, it’s quite easy to do so.  I mean, the best resources are there.  The time is there and the incentive is there too.