MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 23: They care about first impressions

'Actions may speak louder than words, but until they get to judge your behavior, which can take a while, people will inevitably trust their initial impressions.' (Steve Tobak)

First impressions last really long. And you will never get a second go at it. That is why the first things you do will tell a story and leave a mark that’s going to stick around for long, if not permanently: the things you say when you first meet someone, the way you come across in that first presentation, the way you treat your friend’s siblings the first time you visited, the way you approached your first job, the way you spent your first earnings…

Surprisingly many of us don’t seem to care – or we care too much about the less important things. I am sure one of the first things that will come to your mind as you read this will relate to appearance - what people see you wearing. Of course, that's right - one of my brothers actually told me many years ago that when you're meeting people for the first time, you will be addressed the way you're dressed. Now that's true; but up to a limit. Judging by my own experience (and you're free to compare yours) the idea of first impression deals with the way people appear when I first meet them, TOGETHER WITH the things they say, their level of alertness and above all, their attitude - which unfortunately can’t be concealed! Your dressing only creates a good impression if you don’t speak at all (which leaves people thinking ‘Wow, isn’t that dress nice!’) or you say something really smart (otherwise people will only think ‘This is an idiot in a good dress!’).

Recent research has actually shown the power of first impressions. Naturally, most of us will treat people subsequently on the basis of how they have come across to us the first time we met. Even if we find later that our initial impressions are wrong, it takes time before we shift gears. I quote from the work of Bertram Gawronski and co at the University of Western Ontario: ‘When something that violates the first impression occurs, it is treated as an exception from the rule, rather than as an objective reality.’ And how does this relate to success? Because you need to be in the right company for you to go in the right direction and go fast (see the post on keeping good company). Leaving people with the wrong initial impressions of you only deflates your circle of influence.

Of course you can correct a wrong first impression but it’s expensive. “What is necessary is for the first impression to be challenged in multiple different contexts,” says Gawronski. That’s a natural experiment that even scientists know is hard to set up. Who wants to stick around to observe you all over the place when they already have decided that you’re not worth walking with?

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 22: They have a sense of purpose

I have found that all ugly things are made by those who strive to make something beautiful, and that all beautiful things are made by those who strive to make something useful. (Oscar Wilde)

There are two dimensions to purpose: the first concerns the basis for our existence, the kind of thing that Darwin wanted to explain away; the second has to do with defining a reason for everything we do.

In the first sense, purpose is the ‘why’, the rationale for everything that is exogenously defined: the reason why you’re here, the reason why you’re not dead yet, the reason why you’re a male or female, the reason why you’re black or white, the reason why you have those parents, and so on. What this implies is that one will always underperform when out of purpose. You will never rise to the fullness of your potential unless you’re doing what you were designed for in the first place. For instance, if you had a nice Ferrari parked in your garage and a tree just fell across the road in front of your house, would you use your Ferrari or an ugly chain saw? To the Intelligent Designer who made you, there’s something you should be doing, and until you’re doing it, you’re under-utilized, wrongly utilized or utterly useless.

In the second sense, purpose is your ‘why’ for whatever you do – your choice. Daniel Pink, in his bestseller, Drive – The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us, brings out strongly the power of purpose as a determinant of better performance and self satisfaction. The main idea is that when people do things for a specific reason – a purpose that is higher than themselves or any mundane considerations, their performance hits the skies! And that is being proven true everyday: Google, Skype, Apache, Facebook…all started with a clear mission, something of a need they wanted to fulfill. So, in general, purposeful people tend to perform consistently better; purposeful businesses grow faster; purposeful athletes last longer…Why? Because they do whatever they do for a reason – and even more, they know what their reasons are for doing those things. 

If only you will take the time to find out the ‘why’, you will spend much less time worrying about the ‘what’.

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 21: They Keep Good Company

‘Success is as much a product of being in the right company as it is of working hard. If you look for success secrets in the Bible, never read Proverbs 22:29 without reading Psalm 1:1!’

The moral is very simple: hard work, diligence, commitment, passion and everything like these virtues will take you really far but the truth is how fast you go most often depends on what company you’re in. Think about when you wrote the references part of your CV. Except you’re from some planet where nothing makes sense, you must have had two primary concerns when you selected those whose names you put in that section: one, they must know you, at least; and two, you must have some certainty that they know you ‘well’ – ‘well’ in this sense meaning that they know well enough to say some good things about you. In fact, if there’s anyone that knows you ‘unwell’ and you’re aware of that, such person would probably never get listed on your CV as a referee. Why don’t your grades or records of achievement matter here?

In my short life experience, I have seen people’s connections make the difference for them. This teaches me all the more that it’s not only about how much you know, but also about whom you know! People get admitted into top-rated colleges just on the recommendation of the right person; people get jobs by bearing a note from someone that matters; businesses sometimes break through by referrals; and the examples can continue of how the right connections can make. There are also many ready examples of how the wrong connections can mar. In fact, a time comes in the life of everyone when all that matters is just whom we know and/or hang around. That is why the most successful people that you will find around hang around with similar people – and the same goes for the most wretched people.

Give a lot of time to keeping in touch with good people; stay in touch with people who share your values; network with your peers who have a sense of purpose; keep a good address book, an up-to-date email list and a business card holder. Go for that conference to meet people, subscribe to that mailing list, join that professional association – do all you can to put yourself in the right company and stay there, it will definitely pay off!

 

‘A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years' study of books.’ (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Hyperion, Chapter VII. Quoted from the Chinese)