MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 21: They Keep Good Company

‘Success is as much a product of being in the right company as it is of working hard. If you look for success secrets in the Bible, never read Proverbs 22:29 without reading Psalm 1:1!’

The moral is very simple: hard work, diligence, commitment, passion and everything like these virtues will take you really far but the truth is how fast you go most often depends on what company you’re in. Think about when you wrote the references part of your CV. Except you’re from some planet where nothing makes sense, you must have had two primary concerns when you selected those whose names you put in that section: one, they must know you, at least; and two, you must have some certainty that they know you ‘well’ – ‘well’ in this sense meaning that they know well enough to say some good things about you. In fact, if there’s anyone that knows you ‘unwell’ and you’re aware of that, such person would probably never get listed on your CV as a referee. Why don’t your grades or records of achievement matter here?

In my short life experience, I have seen people’s connections make the difference for them. This teaches me all the more that it’s not only about how much you know, but also about whom you know! People get admitted into top-rated colleges just on the recommendation of the right person; people get jobs by bearing a note from someone that matters; businesses sometimes break through by referrals; and the examples can continue of how the right connections can make. There are also many ready examples of how the wrong connections can mar. In fact, a time comes in the life of everyone when all that matters is just whom we know and/or hang around. That is why the most successful people that you will find around hang around with similar people – and the same goes for the most wretched people.

Give a lot of time to keeping in touch with good people; stay in touch with people who share your values; network with your peers who have a sense of purpose; keep a good address book, an up-to-date email list and a business card holder. Go for that conference to meet people, subscribe to that mailing list, join that professional association – do all you can to put yourself in the right company and stay there, it will definitely pay off!

 

‘A single conversation across the table with a wise man is better than ten years' study of books.’ (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Hyperion, Chapter VII. Quoted from the Chinese)

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 20: They learn not to be rash

"...Everything starts with one step at at time. So start small and plan to finish big." (http://www.fuel-my-motivation.com/Self-Motivation.html)

One of the most important lessons I have learnt about working towards success relates to the importance of being sensible and realistic. While it is crucial to dream big - as you probably already know - it is often fatal to act big! Why? Because you'll lose your motivation quickly if you experience anything that looks like failure.

When the economic crisis hit Nigeria, I know many people who lost fortunes to the burst bubble (I even heard of people who became fatally sick or died as a result!). Why? Because they acted too big - many people seeing the promise of huge returns from the stock market borrowed recklessly to place on stocks. And how badly hit were they when the bubble burst. The consequence? Even now that the atmosphere is safe, most of these people would not go near the stock exchange simply because the apparent big 'failure' of the last few years has taken their motivation away. And why did that happen? Because they acted too big at the outset.

This is the point in much simpler language. Anyone who wants to be truly successful has to learn not to be rash. We're not born with that, as humans. In fact, if anything, we were born with innate myopic rashness. That's why a suckling baby would bite its mother now, forgetting that it is coming back to feed later! That is why we need to learn, as we grow up, that things are not always what they seem. 

On the road to success, do not ever think you're competing with anyone because as a matter of fact, you are not! Your life, ultimately, will be judged against the standard set for you - and you alone. So why don't you cut down on the rashness; go slowly, carefully, one step at a time and see how far you will go.

"...you ought to be quiet, and to do nothing rashly..." (the town clerk of Ephesus)

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 19: They would rather be right than be popular

 If my life is fruitless, it doesn't matter who praises me; if my life is fruitful, it doesn't matter who criticizes me (John Bunyan)

Success, it's been argued, is a matter of choice; and there are choices we make, I argue, that invalidate the opinions of others. For everyone who has lived through the generations past until now, the huge differences in the number of options available for getting things done is much more glaring. For instance, until 1971 it was impossible to send e-mails; you had to wait for weeks to get messages around via regular post. Today, the options are allmost limitless. That's just one example out of many. But with the new possibilities new threats have also come, and it is becoming increasingly difficult for poeople to decipher right from wrong. The end, it seems, always justifies the means.

But for everyone that would truly succeed, there would be an absolute standard of choice: the right things at all times as far human fallibility would allow. More often than not the right choice is unpopular, and could even attract stigmatisation! Nonetheless, the men whose names we remember in honour today almost all made these unpopular choices and that made all the difference. I borrow the words of Robert Frost to finish this off:

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.	20

'The Road Not Taken' in Frost, R. (1920). Mountain Interval. New York: Henry Holt and Company

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 18: They are Teachable

"No height of achievement should take you to the level where you think there's no more to learn"  

Have you ever wondered why high-profile sportsmen and women keep their trainers?  Why do you think winning teams don’t do without coaches?  Well, I know that winners remain winners only if they remain under tuition.  Your potentials to be and remain great is determined mostly by how teachable you are.

It might not be easy but you have to do it.  The biggest companies in the world today are all committed to improving their staff quality through training.  Why?  There’s always more to know.  Life, at its best, is like an inverted pyramid.  Difficult to climb but at the top is wide and flat.  That’s how success is.  You learn and strive so much to get to the top only to get there and find out that the largest rooms for improvement are there.

Only teachable people remain on top.  In fact, the only thing that will stop you from learning at the top is pride.  Otherwise, it’s quite easy to do so.  I mean, the best resources are there.  The time is there and the incentive is there too.  

Follow-up on Two Major Things Part I

This morning I thought to start my day with some science-based inspiration (I do that quite often but not always). By that I mean to read or watch something that shares a profound truth with scientific proof. Usually I just think look up the first thing that comes to my mind. Now that is a bit crude and has led me to utter nonsense on a number of occassions. But I bet you that each time I find something exciting, like I did this morning, it's always worth sharing. 

For many centuries much has been said about how time is important and we should manage it, use it wisely, invest it and so on. But you hear or read very little about how our perception of time could actually influence us in no small measure. That happens to be the subject of these videos. The first is the animated summary and the second is the full talk given by Professor Philip Zimbardo. What touched me most in the presentation is how the professor shows the link between the fast-pacedness of today's society - our desire for control - and youth misbehaviour. That connection was subtly made when he presented the figures on school dropout rates in the US and how that is associated with seemingly harmless and fun-filled technologies! I couldn't help but link it with my January 26 post on the value of quiet.

  

 

MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED 17: They learn from Experience

Today I was preparing the next in the series on Loyalty. Somehow, I came to remember that the last time I posted on the Actions of Successful People was on last December, two days to Christmas. I don't seem to know why but I feel pressed to pause the ongoing series and resume the long-standing one. Hopefully, I will finish it this time with 7 more bi-weekly posts. If you've never read any of the previous posts I suggest you simply use the search bar on the sidebar with the text MEN THAT WILL SUCCEED. That is the standard prefix I have used for all the articles in this series.

 

 

Success comes from good judgement
Good judgement comes from experience
Experience comes from bad judgement  (Tony Robbins)

The most successful people are those who learn not to repeat mistakes.  Procedures may be worth repeating but only dullards repeat mistakes.  It’s allowed that everyone make mistakes but it’s not allowed that they make it every time. These is nothing as good as doing things right the first time.  And this is where the experience of others comes in.  You can’t do things right if you don’t know how. And you can’t know how if you don’t ask how.

Risk taking is primarily about defying the odds to go ahead. But the best risk takers (and who have pulled it off most often) are those who have seen others (or who themselves in the past did) make some mistakes in the past, and are wise enough to avoid repeating them.  In fact, the best and quickest way to learn is to observe and then repeat or avoid, depending on what is seen.  That is the default mechanism of learning built into man by God.  That is how babies learn.

Observe what others have done (or are doing) and make meaningful deductions. It’s much safer and less costly to do that. Why must you make all the mistakes yourself, even though you can’t avoid some?  That’s why Sam Adeyemi said that the experience that is the best teacher is someone else’s experience.

As it has been said, if a man cheats you once, it’s his fault; if he cheats you a second time, it’s the fault of both of you; if he cheats you a third time, it’s all your fault. Learn to make them count: what you've seen, heard and been through.

Two Major Things - Part IIa

As humans, we are incurably social. Everything we do is situated within the context of relationships and interactions. It is within this context that loyalty becomes a highly relevant virtue. Every marriage, friendship, team, army etc cannot thrive in the presence of disloyalty. Unfortunately, the world today tends to treat disloyalty as the norm and loyalty as the exception. And that is closely connected to the way we define success and honour. It is such that everything that matters is what we see, whatever is not seen does not count for much. That is why you see people investing so much in their façade - cars, houses, certificates, money, power...and they will do anything to save their faces and deny their wrongs!

It doesn’t matter how desperately you think you need to save your face and reputation in the present, you create much more problems for your future than you could ever solve if you are disloyal.  As far as I am concerned, there is nothing wrong with being wrong, what is wrong is not admitting it when you are wrong. It is completely pardonable to err, but to pretend like nothing ever went wrong is what is inexcusable. If a man falls, it is wrong for him to stay down like nothing can be done. He needs to get up, deal with the issues and get going. But what we often see in today’s society is that people get caught up in errors – in short, they fall – and they pick themselves up, shake off the dust and pretend like nothing ever happened! Such men will always stop short of their ultimate destination, never reaching their greatest heights because one day, the prints they left in the sands of time will be discovered – and how lethal such discoveries are. 

Just two comparative examples: Tiger Woods was for 5 years the World’s No. 1 in golf until his marital disloyalty was discovered, mostly blown open by the many women he was involved with. In one year, the man slipped down 4 places and his entire family, let alone his wife could not help him. Dr. Ben Carson, the famous neurosurgeon, was once accused of extramarital affair by a strange woman. It was going to be a scandal because the woman claimed that she and Ben had a love affair but Ben’s wife came out to say it can’t be true; and that saved Ben.  The difference between the two men: LOYALTY!

More to come…